the proof of your love

A while ago, a friend introduced me to the Christian band for KING & COUNTRY. Their music is great, and if you haven't heard them before, you really should check them out. As I thought about what to title this post, their song "The Proof of Your Love" kept running through my head. It's a song about wanting your life to reflect God's love to those around, which is really not the focus of this post ... but the title still applies!

One of the things we're supposed to be doing in my Beth Moore Bible study is writing down personal revelations for each week—ways God shows Himself to us. Honestly, I've been struggling with that part. September was a pretty terrible month for me health wise—nothing major, but I felt sick more often than not, and when I don't feel good, it's hard for me to take my eyes off myself and see how God is working.

Yesterday, my mom and I went to Omaha to visit Blendy and go to the symphony. But on the way, I started feeling sick again, and we ended up leaving Omaha before the symphony. This morning, I still wasn't feeling well, but I'd made plans with someone after church, and Singing Christmas Tree practices started today, so I decided to go ahead and go to church. Right before leaving for church, I found out my friend needed to cancel our lunch plans, and I almost just stayed home. I'm so glad I didn't!

As I was walking toward the church building, I bumped into my new friend Julie. Julie and I went to college together, but we never met. We connected over facebook during the Nebraska-Wisconsin game last week; we have a mutual college friend who asked a question about Bo Pelini, we both responded, and we discovered we both live in the Grand Island area. (This is big because there aren't many Grace alums in the area. At all.) Then on Thursday night, we met for coffee at The Chocolate Bar. Anyway, it was a nice surprise to run into Julie this morning and to meet her husband and son.

Then when I walked into the sanctuary, I spotted Stephany and her boyfriend. Steph and I are rarely in church on the same Sundays, and it was so nice to sit with her and catch up a bit. On the way out of church, I chatted with one of my VBS kids, last year's Bible study leader Carol, and former student Jess.

I decided to go hang out at Barista's for a while, as practice didn't start until 3. And who should walk in but Jamie, a friend I hadn't spent any time with since the end of May! We didn't have long to talk, but it was so nice to see her.

As I drove to Singing Christmas Tree practice, it hit me that my day was the proof of God's love for me. He used people to make my day better and take my eyes off my own problems. (And if you're wondering, Singing Christmas Tree practice was wonderful—our director said it was like a family reunion as we all got back together for the first time since last December, and she was right!)

I'm sure that if I would just keep my eyes open, I would see so many more proofs of God's love for me. What about you? How is God showing you His love?

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myspace, frustration, and love

This afternoon, we were reminiscing at work. A few years ago, we had a principal (who also served as student council adviser, a role I've had for the past three years) who decided that each spirit day during Homecoming Week should have a spiritual application. Blendy was a student then, and hopefully she'll chime in with her thoughts in the comments.

Anyway, we were remembering how this guy was super serious and conservative (like when it came to assigning spirit days), but every once in a while, he'd let his guard down. That made me think of the time I "confessed" my love for him. I knew I'd blogged about it, so I decided to find the post when I got home. Easier said than done!

I soon discovered that I'd written the post while I was still blogging on Myspace. Here's what happened when I went to log in (this is how I put it on Facebook):

So I'm trying to log into Myspace for the first time in well over a year, and I can't remember my password. I try to reset it, but the reset information goes to an email address I haven't used in three years. I can't remember my password there, either, and the password recovery email goes to an account that no longer exists. Then I see this nifty "log in with facebook" button on the Myspace home page. I click it, and suddenly I have a brand new Myspace account! That wasn't the result I was looking for. I just wanted to access one of my old blog posts, but I protected them so that only my friends had access ... sometimes technology can be so frustrating!

A couple of my friends offered to log into their own Myspace accounts to help me out, and Melissa found the post I was looking for! Here it is, from October 20, 2006, for your reading pleasure:

embarrassment at the office

Current mood:embarrassed

Fact 1: I love listening to music in the office. We have probably 25 cds to choose from (most are mine)--most of them are instrumental or contemporary Christian.

Fact 2: We have a new principal at NC this year. He's 26, single, and very conservative. Things between us have been awkward at best, and most of our conversations consist of : "You have a call on line three."

This morning, we were listening to a cd of 90's-ish pop hits played by an orchestra when Robert (aka the principal) asked me to help him find something in the files. Suddenly he stopped looking through the files, looked at me, and said, "I don't know what song this is."

I, of course, did, so without thinking, I said, "It's 'Have I . . .'" And then it hit me: Oh, crap! Now I have to say the rest of it! "'. . . told you lately that I love you?'"

He smiled (or maybe smirked) and said, "No, actually, you haven't."

My face turned five shades of red, and I wanted to sink through the floor. Fortunately, my mom walked back in from lunch at that moment, and we were able to move on.

The more I think about it, though, the more I think that he knew exactly what the song was, and I just walked right into his trap.

Think, Becky, Think Before You Speak!!!

A few thoughts: 1) I'd totally forgotten that Myspace let you pick a mood for each post. 2) Six years ago? Really? I can't believe I've been blogging that long! 3) It's fun to remember the good times ... 'cause goodness knows, most of my memories involving this man don't make me smile like this one does!

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i'm not a momma, but i sure love my kids

This post is mainly a reminder to myself—I think everyone is more than ready for school to get out for the summer, and I've sensed it in myself more this year than ever before. At times, I hear my tone of voice when speaking to a student and inwardly cringe. So this look back at the kids I love will hopefully help me remember again why I do what I do!

I know I've said it before, and I'll probably say it again: The reason I continue to work at NC, year after year, is because I've fallen in love ... with a bunch of Asian kids. I distinctly remember the first time I realized just how much I cared about these kids who came from across the globe to learn English. It was in the spring of my second year working full time at NC. I was walking across the lawn from my office in the boys' dorm to the administration building. I don't know what exactly was on my mind, but suddenly the realization that I loved "my" internationals hit me like a ton of bricks. I even teared up, which is unusual for me. In all the years since that day, as students come and go, there's always a special place in my heart for our international students.

Here are a few of this year's special students:

Part of my Reading II class with The Light Across the River, our first book of the year. It's the sequel to Across the Wide River, which I reviewed for Kregel last summer. I have so much fun with this class! Left to right: Hannah, Mia, Rae, Natalie, Kyle. Poor Kyle was the only boy in the class for the first semester!

One of the advantages of being assistant speech coach this year (as opposed to head coach, which I was for the previous seven years) was that I had more time to work with the international students on the team. This was a good thing, as we had 30 kids on the team, and 10 of them were internationals! I can't help but admire the students who will go out for speech—daunting for any student—when they'll be speaking in a language they're just learning! One of my favorite moments of the speech season was when Yena (front row, center, red dress and black shoes) won serious prose at our conference meet. I was so proud! Above are the junior and senior speech team members at Honor, the spring formal.

Some of my favorite times of the year are when the kids need to find homestays (American families to stay with over breaks). I love opening my home to one or two girls. This Easter, I had two girls stay with me: Mina and Lindsey. We had so much fun together, and we talked about some serious stuff, too. Here we are at the Advance Dessert the week after Easter: Mina, me, Lindsey.

These aren't the only students special to me. I could talk about Janet, a girl I'd been praying for ever since I met her, who called me one Saturday morning with exciting news: "Miss Becky, you'll never believe it, but I am a Christian now!" Or Joey, the boy who fell in love with speech and qualified for state each of his three years on the team. Or Elaine, the girl who learned she really could get good grades and who went from F's to B's in my class in less than a semester. Or Wai, or Jay, or Ency, or any of the other 35 international students we have this year. 

They have my heart.

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valentine's day

It's Valentine's Day. As a single woman, I'm supposed to loathe this day, right? Here's the thing, though: I don't. Do I wish that I had a significant other to make this day special? Of course. Do I sometimes fantasize about a secret admirer coming out of the woodwork to profess his love for me on this day of romance? Yes. (However, if this actually happened, I'd probably find myself creeped out beyond belief. It's a nice rom-com scenario, though!) But can I still enjoy this day on my own? Absolutely! I think it helps that I'm not an overly sentimental person. Sure, I have my "God, why am I still single?" moments like everyone else, but they're not usually triggered by Valentine's Day.

Through the years, I've spent Valentine's Day in a variety of ways: judging at a speech meet, going out with friends, watching sappy movies on the Hallmark Channel, and having a special dinner with my family. In fact, special Valentine's Day dinners with my parents and siblings are my favorite Valentine's memories. I remember one year—I think I was in high school at the time—when we all dressed up, used Mom's wedding china, and had steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, red Jello, and red Kool-Aid. My mom did a great job of making Valentine's Day about the love of family, rather than romantic love, and that's a tradition I plan to carry into my future family. (She also liked to give us "Valentine socks"—a tradition I appreciated much more than my sisters did!)

So how will I be spending this Valentine's Day? Well, tonight I'll probably be working with speech kids for a while. And then Blendy is coming over to make me dinner, and we'll play Just Dance and watch Smash. Sounds like a good Valentine's Day to me :-)

In case you'd like a chuckle on the day of love, check out today's post on Stuff Christians Like. And the answer is no—I do not want to be a shipwrecked tentmaker!

Valentine's Day: love it or loathe it? Do you have any special traditions—romantic or not—that you observe?

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with this ring ...

I had the pleasure and honor of being in my college roommate Jen's wedding last weekend. I drove out to Indiana on Thursday (Blendy came along to help me drive) and returned home on Monday. It was a crazy, busy weekend, and I loved every minute of it! (Well, I didn't love the minutes in stop-and-go traffic near Chicago ... )

Sarah, another dear friend from college, was also a bridesmaid in the wedding, and we both stayed at Jen's apartment throughout the weekend. We spent Friday afternoon helping Jen and her mom get things ready for the reception ... and we had Chick-fil-A for lunch!  (If you've been reading my blog for a while, you'll probably remember that Blendy and I love Chick-fil-A!) In the evening, we had a cookout with the groom's family, and then Jen & Josh (the groom) dropped Sarah, Steph, and me off at The Chocolate Café while they ran errands. We had delicious ice cream! Since Jen's apartment is only a few blocks from The Chocolate Café, we decided to walk back. At a stoplight, I noticed this older, grungy-looking motorcyclist, but I didn't think much of it ... until he passed us again a few minutes later. There was a McDonald's about 20 yards ahead of us, and he pulled into the parking lot and shut off the motor. We kept walking. Just after we passed him, he restarted the bike and started to pull around the restaurant. That's when we made a break for the door, and we watched him roar away.  We changed our route back to Jen's to avoid the road we'd seen the biker on, and Sarah and I jumped every time we heard a motorcycle. Blendy, though, was oblivious!

On Saturday, Wedding Weekend truly began. We spent most of the day at The Oaks at Southpaw Farm. The property was once owned by Major League Baseball pitcher Jamie Moyer, and it's one of the most beautiful houses I've seen. First, the ladies involved in the wedding gathered for brunch. (The secret to the amazing scrambled eggs? Italian seasoning and dried mustard.) Then, two of the bridesmaids hosted a shower for Jen. We played Bridal Apples-to-Apples, and you'd think a team comprised of three of the six bridesmaids would have done well ... instead, we came in dead last! We went to the church for the rehearsal, then we all returned to The Oaks for the rehearsal dinner--Bruno's pizza! I sat with J-La, a friend of Jen's whose blog I've read. It was fun to meet lots of people who I "knew" through Facebook and Jen's blogs but had never met before! Above is a picture of the aprons Jen had made for all the women involved in the wedding. Sarah and I had both been admiring Jen's apron at home that morning, so we were pleasantly surprised to receive our own! Jen also gave the bridesmaids jewelry and flip flops. The flip flops were to be worn when we took outdoor pictures in South Bend and at the reception--and they totally saved my feet!

The wedding itself was beautiful, and the reception was a blast! Jen throws great parties, and her reception was no exception. She had a dessert bar featuring various candies, cheesecake, tres leches cake, buckeyes (known here in Nebraska as peanut butter balls), creme de menthe bars, and an assortment of other temptations.
The highlight for me, though, was the photo booth. Sarah, Blendy, and I went in twice. We didn't really have a plan for the first set we did, so we thought things through before we went in the second time. (Click on the pictures to see a full-sized view.) The first picture is our "sultry Shakespearean" faces--that's seriously a pose the photographer asked for when we were taking wedding pictures! If this picture is any indication, we looked like idiots in the wedding photo. The second picture is "Asian-style." It's nearly impossible to take a picture with my students without the peace sign showing up, so this picture is in honor of them. I can't remember what the third picture was supposed to be, and the fourth is us sending our love to Josh & Jen.

Monday morning, after far too little sleep, we had to head home. First, though, Sarah and I got breakfast at Le Peep. The best part of my breakfast was my caramel macchiato ... as you can see, I was pretty tired, so I needed the caffeine! Sarah and I decided that we should get together every 4th of July--last year, we were together in Montana, this year we were at Jen's wedding, and next year we'll be ... in Nebraska? Colorado? I'm thinking we should definitely meet up somewhere!

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going to the chapel ...

My dear friend Melissa got married last weekend, and I had the honor of being one of her bridesmaids. The wedding was held in the bustling city of O'Neill. O'Neill calls itself the Irish capital of Nebraska, and I found it quite amusing that whenever anyone gave directions, they invariably started out with, "You go past the Shamrock ..." Yes, O'Neill has a giant shamrock painted on the main intersection. But that's not the point of this post!

The wedding itself was so nice. It was very sweet, and everyone could see how in love and how happy they were! I also enjoyed how short it was ... the ceremony was no longer than 30 minutes, and the reception didn't last more than an hour!

Melissa and me right before the wedding.

Me and my sisters.

The happy couple!

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what is love?

Anytime I hear that phrase, my brain immediately flashes to my college Sunday school teacher, Kondo, asking that question one Sunday morning, and then answering the question before anyone else could say anything: "Baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me no more." Crazy as it is, that's the way we sometimes view love and relationships (romantic and otherwise)--I'll love you as long as you don't hurt me, but if you do, well, then we're through.

My pastor is currently doing a series on family, and today's sermon was called "A Replacement for Your Love Life," based in Ephesians 4:31-5:5. If you've spent much time in an evangelical church, you've probably heard most everything he said before, but sometimes it's good to have a refresher . . . it certainly was what I needed to hear today!

Real love is very different than self love.

It starts with forgiving, rather than getting even.

It depends on my will rather than my emotions.

This point reminded me of Ken Medema's song "The Greatest Love." Some of the lyrics in the bridge say: "Most feelings change as fast as weather, but love's a matter of the mind and will, a matter of the head and heart."

It is an action, rather than a passion.

Real love is tenderhearted.
Bitterness will not only destroy the relationship, but it will eat you from the inside out. Real love does not withhold forgiveness, even though it's painful. Release the debt and forgive!

Real love is pure and unselfish.
We are constantly indoctrinated by what we see on TV and hear on the radio--when people fall in love, they fall in bed. But real love is not immoral. It is not a sexual feeling. (At this point, Pastor Mike did a hilarious rendition of The Righteous Brothers' "You've Lost that Loving Feeling," which was apparently the most-played song of the 20th century.) Love is not about me--it is about giving to others. Love is active. (In the words of dcTalk, "Love is a verb!")

Challenge: Am I ready for a new love life?
Am I ready for the purifying compulsion of a holy passion?
Am I filling my heart with what I desire to overflow?

If you're interested in hearing the whole sermon, the podcast should be up in a few days.

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the bride was beautiful

You have to check this out. It's beautiful, loving, and ultimately heartbreaking. I'm not ashamed to say I had tears in my eyes at the end.

(HT: Tim Challies)

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changing my prayer

I'll be the first to admit that I don't pray as often as I should. Last summer, I read an excellent book on prayer,and for a while, I applied several of the principles in that book to my prayer life. Right now, I couldn't tell you a word that the author wrote. All too quickly, I lapsed back into my self-centered prayers.

I think we all go through seasons where one particular thing is weighing on us, and our prayers focus on that--a health concern, a relationship, a job, an unsaved friend, etc. For me, while each of those things has been the focus of my prayers for a time, the one overarching prayer that I've prayed more than any other prayer in the past ten years has gone something like this: "Lord, you know how much I want to be married. How much I want to be a mom. Lord, could you please allow me to get married soon? Help me be patient and trust you. But, PLEASE???"

It has become my default prayer--the one I go to first. It varies, of course: sometimes, it's not that blatantly pleading. But other times, it's worse.

This morning, as I was driving to a family get-together, I started to pray. "Lord, please . . ." And I stopped. I didn't audibly hear a voice or anything like that, but this thought came to me: Isn't it more important to fall more and more in love with Jesus? Isn't it more important to fully trust Him?

Then and there, I amended my prayer. I'm now praying that 2009 will be a year in which my faith is strengthened. A year in which I find myself experiencing a deeper relationship with my Savior than I could have imagined.

When you think of me, I ask that you would pray those things for me, as well.

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