think! (philippians 4:8)

When I transferred to Grace twelve years ago (how is that even possible?), the theme verse for the year was Philippians 4:8. "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things" (ESV). Honestly, there are many times when I've tried not to think of this verse ... because it can be horribly convicting.

I woke up this morning with a yearning to reconnect with the Lord. In the chaos of speech season (which consumes nearly every evening and seven Saturdays in a row), work, and book reviewing, I haven't taken much time at all to read the Bible, pray, or spend time with God. And it's showing in my life. It shows in my attitude, in my thoughts, and in what I choose to do in my free time.

So I didn't go to church this morning. Instead, I made some coffee, pulled out my prayer journal, and opened my Bible. I went to Romans (my favorite book) and started reading. Romans 2:16 gave me pause: "And this is the message I proclaim—that the day is coming when God, through Christ Jesus, will judge everyone’s secret life" (NLT). I know that I am forgiven and will not face eternal judgement ... but this verse served to remind me that God knows everything I do, say, and think—even the things that I would be horribly ashamed of if they came to light. And that's what caused me to remember the "think" verse.

My biggest area of weakness is media—books, movies, and TV shows. Recently, there have been several things I've watched and read that I know wouldn't pass through the Philippians 4:8 filter; it's not even debatable. So I've set up some guidelines for myself that I will only be able to stick to with the Lord's help. It will be difficult. But in the light of eternity, does it really matter if I know what happens on Scandal?

I've also asked someone I trust if she will help me be accountable about my media consumption and encourage me to spend time with God. It's far too easy for me to rationalize things when I know no one else needs to know about it.

So that's what I've been thinking about today. I'm so thankful that God never gives up on me!

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are you better or bitter?

I had the opportunity to attend a Beth Moore conference in Lincoln last weekend. The topic was "Knowing Better," and she split her teaching into two sections: "When 'better' is 'bitter'" and "When 'better' is 'better.'" I've dealt with bitterness in my life (and even blogged about it before, though I didn't really explain at the time that I was dealing with it), and I thought that was something I'd "overcome." God must have chuckled and shaken His head when I had that thought!

Two of Beth's four points on bitterness really hit home for me. They're perhaps not bitterness in the traditional sense of the word (I can still recall how it felt to be bitter--that ball of bile in the pit of my stomach, the tension whenever the subject I was bitter about came up--and that's certainly not how I feel in regard to these things), but left unchecked, they could certainly lead to a deep, debilitating bitterness.

1. When better is before. Beth made a great point here when she said we tend to romanticize the past. While I certainly had the most fun of my life in college, I know it wasn't the perfect time--but all I remember are the good things. So it's easy to look back and say, "I wish I could go back!" This definitely applies to my church experience. I attended an amazing church in college. When I left Indiana, I mourned leaving Christ's Covenant behind. For the first time in my life, I had actually anticipated going to church! Not so when I arrived home. For four years, I attended two churches at various times, and I wasn't really happy at either of them. Finally, after I prayed about it, I felt God leading me to my current church. It's not perfect--and there are still aspects of Christ's Covenant that I miss--but I'm confident I am where God wants me to be. So confident, in fact, that I just became a member! So this point for me was more of a reminder of where I've been ... and a reminder not to go back there.
2. When better is someone besides me. Beth spent much of Friday night camped out on this point ... and with good reason, as she was speaking to a group of women! We're known for comparing ourselves to each other. While this isn't an area I have much trouble with, one thing Beth said really stuck out to me: "True humility is wrapped in security." False humility--saying, "Oh, it was nothing," when praised in an effort to get the other person to reaffirm us--is actually a twisted form of pride. I'd heard this before, but it was a good reminder.
3. When better is the route I didn't take. Ouch! This one screams "Becky!" all over it. It's wrapped up in the idea of "if only." If only I'd accepted the offer to stay on at the publishing company where I interned in college. If only I'd gone through with my plans of getting my library science degree. If only I'd pursued another job after paying off my loans. If only, if only, if only. Here's the thing--I am basically happy with my life. Of course there are things I wish were different, but over all, it's good. I like my job. I love my students. I enjoy being able to see my family all the time. But when I start dwelling on the "if onlys," I become discontent so quickly.
4. When better is what you should have known. Can I get an "amen"? "I should have known better than to ..." Or how about this one: "I did know better, and I did it anyway!" I could completely identify with this, as I tend to continue to beat myself up over things I've done or said--sometimes even years after the fact! Here, Beth pointed out the difference between regret and repentance: regret looks back, while repentance moves on! 

God used this conference to point out areas in my life I need to work on, as well as to show me how far I've come in other areas. It was a wonderful time, and I'm so glad I was able to experience it with my mom!

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sleep? who needs it!

• I should be sleeping. In fact, an hour ago I was dozing on the couch. But then I got up to get a drink, and now I'm completely awake!
• At what point does a fever become a fever? If I'm at, say, 98.9, should I stay home, even though I feel fine? My normal temp is 97.9 (at least according to my digital thermometer). With the flu going around, is one degree considered dangerous and/or contagious?
• Why would Amazon offer me a deal on something I bought from them last week? Every day, Amazon has these "gold box" deals where they offer items for quite a bit less than the normal price. (This is how I got Dr. Quinn last year.) If you have an Amazon account, they'll also personalize some offers based on your purchase and browsing history. These deals aren't too exciting, as they usually knock about a dollar off the regular price. I've often seen deals on things I already have--especially books--but never on something I actually purchased from Amazon. Why would they think I'd want to buy another???
• After all my talk (just ask my sister) about how it's so much better to download from Amazon than iTunes, I went and downloaded Michael Bublé's Crazy Love from iTunes. I got sucked in by the promise of a video for "Haven't Met You Yet." I assumed it would be the official video. Nope--it's the promo video. So save your money, buy the Amazon MP3 Exclusive Version, and just download the instrumental version of "Haven't Met You Yet" from iTunes. (Trust me, you'll want it.)
• One of the coolest aspects of my job is being able to have a front row seat to see how God transforms the lives of some of the students. Just yesterday, a girl who I had to discipline last week came up to me, threw her arms around my neck, and said, "Miss Becky, I'm so sorry!" This is a girl who, less than a year ago, would have either held a grudge against me or would have apologized without really meaning it. But yesterday, I knew she was sincerely remorseful and wanted to repair our relationship. And that change could only have come about through the power of God!
• I'm getting another free book to read--and this time, it's not a book review blogger book! It's Colleen Coble's The Lightkeeper's Daughter. I'm anxious to read it and review it.
  
• My alarm is going off in six hours. Must. Sleep. Now.
  
  

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it's free!

This month, you can use the online version of the ESV Study Bible for free! I mentioned before that I absolutely love my ESV Study Bible, and I highly recommend you check it out. Go here to sign up.

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