eating for health? it's not all sunshine and rainbows

I started AIP a month and a half ago. In the first month, I saw an incredible change for the better in how I felt, and I really didn't feel deprived. I told one of my friends that the hardest part of AIP was not what I could and could not eat, but the loss of the social aspect of food. Going out to eat was not an option, which meant I couldn't go out for lunch with friends after church like I normally do. (Well, I guess I could have gone and just bought some iced tea, but that would have been really hard to do.)

Foodwise, though, it was all good. I even posted optimistic pictures of my food on Instagram. Like this.

A good book, #aip molasses cookies, and "special drink" (honey, apple cider vinegar, cinnamon, and hot water) in a favorite mug. My kind of Friday night. #noimnot75

A photo posted by Becky Ritta (@beckyritta) on Sep 25, 2015 at 3:56pm PDT

And this.

First attempt at #aip hot "chocolate" (made with carob). It's surprisingly good and goes perfectly with the Christmas novel I'm reading! #amreading

A photo posted by Becky Ritta (@beckyritta) on Sep 30, 2015 at 4:25pm PDT

Because I was feeling better than I had in months, sticking to the protocol was fairly easy.

Then I started reintroductions, and everything got hard. Really hard.

Most of it is psychological. When I can't have any of the forbidden things, I can get by. But when I can have some things and not others, that's where I struggle. And I'll be honest--it is so difficult to decide what to reintro when, and that messes with me, too. (There is a recommended order, but I'm not following it, which I'll get to in a minute.)

There's also a physical component. Overall, I haven't felt as good since I started reintroductions. I readily admit that I'm rushing the reintroduction process, simply because I don't know what else I can do. I'm going on a trip in early November, and I don't see how it will be possible for me to eat AIP. So I'm trying to test as many foods as I can, which means fudging on the amount of time between reintroductions. Some things are going well (cocoa), other things aren't (egg whites).

I know that I might be getting false positives and negatives because I'm not following the recommended (well tested) reintroduction format.

I know that I may have to go back to strict AIP when I get home, and I'm pretty prepared mentally for that. I'm actually kind of looking forward to it, as I'll be able to wait longer to start reintros and take my time with them.

But tonight? I'm struggling. I'm so tired of chicken, pork, coconut, and tea (and I love me some tea). The smell of coffee in the office nearly drove me over the brink this afternoon, and I wanted to eat (and drink) ALL OF THE THINGS. Hence the Diet Wild Cherry Pepsi pictured at the top of this post. My first pop in a month. It's a big cheat, but I justify it by the fact that Pepsi has removed aspartame, which I quit years ago. (Nevermind that all artificial sweeteners are no-nos. I'm justifying, remember?)

Will I pay for it tomorrow? Maybe.

But right now, as I'm savoring the taste, it seems worth it.